Im feeling very deflated.
This weekend has been one of many bad choices. Yes it was easter, but that really shouldnt be the excuse? or is it?
I feel like my whole world right now is one big excuse, between working full time, uni externally, between houses (concrete jungle during the week/project reno on weekends), trying to get things sorted, moving and keeping organised, not having really a set routine because everything right now is adhoc (i havent had a gym membership since we sold the last house)...I feel like the dream of getting to the magic number of 70kg is just so distant! I wanted to be 70kg by the time we went to Thailand, the dream of being confident in my bikini blah blah blah. Im 19 days away and yet Im still 5kg away, and after this weekend of not having a real chance to plan food etc, once again adhoc choices, Im probably 5.5kg from goal...GAH What the hell am I doing?
I dunno whether Im at mental road block. I feel like Im constantly fighting my own mind. Ive got comfortable and Im back to the scared to push phase. Its 5kg for Lorna sake, its not brain surgery Sensai, you can do this...
Than I do stupid things. Like skip exercise because Im trying to do uni, or oh its easter, look theres chocolate and binge eat. WTF! I know its wrong and yet Im doing it. Its like there is another person taking over and as much as I know its not right, opps there I go again!
That inner teenager. She is a real bitch you know! She is my own worse enemy...oh wait thats me...
This weekend consisted of lots of work at project reno, I havent stopped til I went to bed, its been GO GO GO and we have accomplished so much, I should be happy, I should be excited.
I should be....and yet all I keep thinking about is...your still 5kg away from goal. You have been for about 6 months, Thailand was a goal, I should have smashed it wide open...and I havent.
I feel like an utter failure.
19 days, gotta change this damn mindset, back to drawing board. Time to write down EVERYTHING again, start from scratch. I have 19 days to make a bloody dent in this 5kg.
I have to make a dent. Maybe a I need a big "Mish" kick up the arse!?
I CAN DO THIS. Make me accountable peeps. I will report in daily, what I have eaten, what exercise I have done. If I dont, give me a verbal slapping please! I need it!
I have to remember where I have come from and stop beating myself up. You can do this Sensai! Dont give up now, your giving in to them. Why give them the satisfaction!? They dont deserve to see you down. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off.
Tomorrow is a new day. I can do this....no I WILL do this...
As Lorna says - NEVER GIVE UP! She is a wise one I tell ya!
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