A wise women said....

So today has been a typical day really. Nothing over interesting really to report except Im still sore from my anger run the other day. Better get use to it, I just signed up for the 5km Dolphin Run with Phantom Ninja and a few of the other 12wbt ninjas on the 3rd February 2013. This could be interesting. I have not trained and I have not really ran (well besides my anger run) since I got my orthotics last year.Why? I hear you ask... well to be perfectly honest, I am kinda freaked out about it. 

I know, I know, Im a ninja, Im meant to be fearless but right now its one of my walls. Its self imposed but with good reason (well I think it is anyways!)

Back at the end of 2010, I was around 90kg. I had never been someone to do any running, I was always the slowest in group PT when we had to do it, I could barely do 200m without wanting to die and if someone gave me the choice to run or to walk, Id walk. I was a big girl and at this time in my life, I was lost on the belief that I just "couldn't" do it. I was stuck on that mentality that because it hurt to much, I just believed I couldnt do it. 

I had always contemplated doing city to bay but that is where it started and ended. It was always just a thought. Never an action. 

At the beginning of 2011, I finally had the determination. I decided that I was going to sign up and I thought, you know what, even if I walk some of it, Im gonna participate! I cant remember exactly where the motivation came from but I also voiced my determination in one of my group PT classes. A good friend in this group PT, Dan, (who by the way was a machine when it came to running) said he would do it with me  as he had never done it and he wanted to give it a go! So we had a plan and we started training together. 

Unfortunately in June that year, we lost Dan. He unfortunately was taken way to soon in a car accident. Rest in Peace buddy.

I was broken, Im not gonna lie. He was a good friend, I had known him for years and going to the gym and training became hard. I saw him in everything we did at the gym and my running training was not easy. I missed his jokes and the way he made it fun. It was than however I vowed I would do the damn run and I would finish it for him! 

I pushed myself into training and my very first mistake was not listening to my body. So many experienced runners with always say, if its an ache its normal, if it stabs, ease up or stop. I got the stab but didnt stop. I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH, LISTEN TO YOUR BODY. 

I over trained and I ended up with an injury that I now have for life. That injury is bursitis in the left hip. (Click here for more info --->http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcarticles.nsf/pages/Bursitis). If you have never heard of it, let me just say its painful. What actually finally stopped me training was when I was literally limping and just walking was unbearable and sitting was no longer pain free. 

This injury took me out of training for 5 weeks leading up to City to Bay. I was told by the Physio, Remedial Massage Therapist and Dr that I was crazy to do it but if I still contemplated running City to Bay, I had to REST. I cried. I had gone from someone who HATED running to someone who couldnt wait to get out there. My determination however was still strong. I had to do the run for Dan. Those five weeks felt like eternity. I was not allowed to do anything. I had become a gym junkie and my frustration was at an all time high. 

I did my therapy and did as I was told however I did run City to Bay that year. I ran a good amount of it by the time I hit the 10km mark, the stabbing started again and I had to walk the rest of the way (I did push through the stabbing for the last 500m because I refused to walk over the finish line with a finish time of 1hr 33mins). I limbed for weeks later but I had promised Id do it for him and I did. 

Fast forward to 2012, I decided I was gonna do it again but this time for me and I was going to beat my time. I had been doing well with my physical therapy and wanted to get back into it. I did a few small races (5km) without to many issues and decided I would start to train 12 weeks out from City to Bay. I paid my entrance and was determined to succeed. 4 weeks in, my hip flared and this time I listened. I stopped.

I started Chiro and than my personal trainer recommended going to a podiatrist. Was the best thing I ever did. They were able to determine why I was constantly having hips flare up and said that I definately needed orthotics BUT I had to give up on doing City to Bay. If I did it again without them, I would end up messing up my knee (I was having pain start in it and it clicks when I do squats!). So for once, I did as I was told. I gave up due to medical advice. 

Once again I suffered the frustration of not being able to train to full capacity. RPM was my saviour and my brilliant personal trainer created workouts to help strengthen my hip. I got my orthotics and have been training in them since. I was told by the podiatrist to ease into running. Im still needing to ease into it. 

There is a fear there now when it comes to running. Its a fear of the pain returning, its the fear of it taking me out for weeks on end again, but its the fear that it will make me fail. 

Ive had all this going through my head for WEEKS. Today, I was listening to Jillian's podcasts and this particular podcast finally hit home (see I told you she was a smart one!). She was talking about failing and she said:




"If you do fail, remember, its an entry point for learning and not a validation that your not good enough" 

and than she asked the listeners to ask themselves:

"Where are you selling yourself short and why?"




Wise wise woman!

I wrote it down straight away. Its in my diary, its on my pin up board at work. I am using it as my mantra. If my anger run taught me anything, its that I can do it. 

So when I was asked if I want to do Dolphin Run, I thought, do it! Sign up and do it! Its the kick in the butt I needed. So Im doing it. It might also be time to work on that 5am for 21 days goal for training....

So tell me, do you have a fear? What is it and are you selling yourself short of achieving it?